Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
