Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize