he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
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I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
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As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
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