It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
