I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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