I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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