there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
