If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
