I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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