Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
