Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
