Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
