how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
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he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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