it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
