I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
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