oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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