we made out on top of his cat.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
