RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
