You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
