I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
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Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
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I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
His nipple licking is glorious
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