i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
