So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
nutella sex= disaster
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
