Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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