I smell stomach acid.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
