Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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