peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
