the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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