he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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