from now on my penis is your penis
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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