Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
