Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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