WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
