'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
