I can tuck mytits in my pants
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
