It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
