I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
