Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
