I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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