that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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