He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
