In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
