I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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