Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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