so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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