and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
