After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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