you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
