So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
