if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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