There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
