I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
