Only a mothe r could love this liver
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
