I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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