Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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