Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
