so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
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