the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
