The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
