Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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