The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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