Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
