She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
