Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am naked and annoyed.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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