the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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