I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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