hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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