I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
