You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
