I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
People in love make me want to vomit
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
A+ Viking dick
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
