Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
This girl is more easily done than said...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize