Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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