he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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