I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
