The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
