My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Alive.
So much puke
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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