Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
whose parrot is this?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
